


Something in the air's not right today

by Emjen_Enla



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish is a reasonable human being, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Even if he's managed to convince Gansey he's not, Gansey angst, Gansey doesn't like modern history, Gansey knows he's going to die, Gansey-typical self deprecation, Gen, Panic Attacks, Random facts about the start of WWI, Richard Gansey III Deserves Nice Things, Sleep Deprivation, Someone needs to tell Gansey he doesn't need to feel guilty for not being okay, barely shippy at all, set in the vicinity of BLLB and TRK
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-06-14 21:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15397350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emjen_Enla/pseuds/Emjen_Enla
Summary: Gansey is not having a good day. Part two in Adam's POV.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own the Raven Cycle. Title from "Papercut" by Linkin Park
> 
> Trigger warnings for panic attacks and a brief mention of child abuse.

Gansey woke up to Ronan kicking the frame of his bed. He rolled over and squinted at the other boy who was nothing more than a blur of color. “ _What_ , Ronan? If you’re waking me to tell me that you’ve dreamed up five million baby crows, I swear-”

“Actually,” the Ronan-shaped blob said. “I was going to ask if we’re skipping out of class today.”

“What?” Gansey squinted at him, trying to get Ronan’s face to come into focus. It didn’t work, and he fumbled across the bed for his glasses. “Why would we be skipping--oh-” He trailed off as he finally got his glasses on and saw the clock. Classes started in twenty minutes; he’d slept through his alarm.

He had also fallen asleep maybe two hours before after hours spent working on the Henrietta model and even more hours of tossing and turning on his bed. He was exhausted and the fragile feeling that had been chasing him for weeks had taken up full-time residence in his chest. Before Aglionby, this would have been the kind of day he would have just called quits on before it even began. At his previous boarding schools, spread out across the world wherever his search took him, he gave himself a day or two a month where he could simply call in sick if he hadn’t been able to sleep or felt like he’d have a panic attack if something brushed up against him in the hallway.

It was different now. At those other schools he’d been well-liked but hadn’t had any real friends. He had never stuck around in one place long enough to form connections with anyone, so there had been no one to notice whether Gansey went to class or stayed home and curled up in his bed. That couldn’t happen now. There were people looking at him now. Ronan already declared his intentions to never attend school again at least once a day. If Gansey skipped out even once he’d lose all the leverage he had to keep Ronan going. It didn’t matter that Gansey’s deal with Child meant that Ronan could never set foot in Aglionby again and still receive a diploma, Gansey fully intended to make sure Ronan learned _something_ in his senior year, even if it was just so Gansey felt a little less like a horrible person for bribing his headmaster.

And then there was Adam. He and Adam weren’t fighting, and Gansey was so incredibly thankful for it, but he also knew that just because they weren’t fighting right now didn’t mean they wouldn’t start again. Things hadn’t really changed; Gansey still didn’t understand why half the things he’d ever done or said were bad. If--when? --they started fighting again, it would be Gansey’s fault. Gansey was trying to forestall the re-opening of hostilities by not doing anything that might make Adam angry, which was really difficult when Gansey didn’t understand why half the things he’d done upset Adam.

Regardless of his confusion, he knew that he shouldn’t be skipping out of school when Adam Parrish might find out about it. Adam would go to school while burning up with a fever--Gansey had seen it happen multiple times--so he would no doubt object to Gansey skipping out of school when there was nothing technically wrong with him. If a hospital-level fever wasn’t a valid excuse to miss school, then practically no sleep and the very real possibility that you were going to freak out and not be able to breathe at some point during the day weren’t either.

So long story short, he was definitely going to school today, even if his eyes were scratchy, his head hurt, and he already felt just a little panicky for no reason at all. He missed those days when it hadn’t mattered to anyone what he did, when he hadn’t been the one who cared for everyone with nothing in return. It was lonely to take care of yourself when no one else did, but at least he hadn’t had to feel guilty about doing it.

“Gansey?” Ronan asked. “Have you finally decided to do something that’s actually fun?”

“Of course not,” Gansey said realizing a second too late what he’d just agreed to. His stomach twisted. That would just be more ammunition for the next time he started worrying that Ronan secretly hated him.

Gansey swung his legs over the side of the bed and got up. “I’ll be ready to go in five minutes,” he said, gathering up a clean uniform and heading for the kitchen/bathroom.

There would be no time for a shower. The thought unsettled Gansey more than he wanted to admit. He’d showered every morning before school since he was twelve and it felt wrong not to do it now, like he was finally allowing his mask to slip, and that couldn’t happen. The flawless mask of Richard Campbell Gansey III was the only thing protecting the fragile, strung-out real Gansey; the seventeen-year-old boy who knew he was going to be dead by the end of April but couldn’t tell anyone.

Gansey ran a brush through his dirty hair and tried to calm himself down. So what if he didn’t get a shower this morning? It wasn’t a big deal. People probably wouldn’t even notice; he’d showered yesterday, after all. Plus, he’d read once that it was actually healthier not to wash your hair every day, and some people’s hair got so unruly when they washed it that they had to wait until the next day to go anywhere important.

It wasn’t something to be upset about, but Gansey couldn’t stop worrying about it. He put in his contacts, brushed his teeth and tried to make his hair and uniform look even more perfect than usual before bolting out of the kitchen/bathroom to collect his backpack and Ronan.

~~~~

They arrived at Aglionby just as the five minute bell was ringing. Gansey hurried across campus with his head down. He felt like everyone was looking at him, like everyone could tell he’d woken up twenty minutes ago and hadn’t had time to shower. He knew that was ridiculous--everyone else was on the verge of being late too--but he couldn’t shake the feeling. By the time he got to his first period class, his chest was tight, and his hands were shaking.

No, no, no. He told himself. This couldn’t happen. He was here so now he had to make it through the day. He had a quiz in Chemistry which was going to require all his focus because he had never been good in science. There was also a debate on who was to blame for the start of WWI in history and he would be expected to participate with the same enthusiasm he had when talking about Glendower and ancient Welsh history even though he’d tried to explain that he didn’t like modern history multiple times.

Gansey took a deep, slow breath fighting against the tension in his chest as the teacher came in. All he had to do was get through the day, then he could go back to Monmouth Manufacturing and sleep. Everything would be fine. It had to be.

~~~~

Everything was fine until fourth period, right before lunch. It was history class, right in the middle of the debate. One of the students on the opposite side had pulled out the old, tired elementary school explanation of blaming the Archduke of Austria for starting the whole war. The other boy obviously hadn’t prepared because he’d called the Archduke “that one duke guy who got offed.”

Even though Gansey had little interest in who had started WWI, he would not allow that simplistic view to stand. “Actually,” he said. “That’s not quite accurate.” He wanted to go on any explain how the Archduke hadn’t actually been as important as he’d been made out to be and that his death had been used mostly as an excuse to start fighting, but suddenly he couldn’t remember the man’s name either. He’d known it a moment before, he could still feel is poking at the edges of his consciousness, but he couldn’t pull it out into the open.

The hard pressure which had been threatening him all day closed in around him and he couldn’t breathe. Everyone else who had prepared for class knew what that duke’s name was. Gansey looked like an idiot for not knowing, even more so for attempting to rebuff the other boy when he didn’t know the information himself. Mr. Morris probably thought Gansey hadn’t prepared either, if Gansey looked his direction, the teacher would probably be looking at him with disappointment.

Gansey tried to calm himself down. He’d barely slept last night, and memory problems were a symptom of sleep deprivation; there was nothing to freak out about. He tried to page through his notes to find the name, but his hands were shaking too much. He could barely think.

“Mr. Gansey?” Mr. Morris’s voice cut through his rising panic. “Is everything alright?”

“May I be excused?” Gansey gasped, refusing to acknowledge the concern in Mr. Morris’s voice. Everyone was staring at him, wondering what was wrong. Any minute now someone was going to realize that he hadn’t slept and hadn’t showered and was freaking out about forgetting a fact that didn’t even matter to him. Any minute someone was going to realize that Gansey was falling apart and that couldn’t happen because once someone did then Gansey couldn’t pretend he wasn’t anymore, and he couldn’t fall apart because if he did what would happen to Ronan and Adamand _BlueandNoah_?

He didn’t even really wait for Mr. Morris’s response because he didn’t think he’d be able to hear it. He simply gathered his books and fled before anything worse could happen.

~~~~

Gansey was a master of finding places to breakdown where no one would find him. Today’s spot was behind the Humanities building, next to a perfectly sculpted bush which hid him from anyone walking by on the path which lead to the Science building.

He sat cross-legged on the grass, hands clenched in his hair, trying to breathe. He wanted to berate himself for panicking over something so stupid, but he knew forgetting that name was just the straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak. This was always going to happen from the instant he’d decided to come to school today, it had only been a matter of what set it off.

What he berated himself over was that this was happening at all. He was Richard Gansey III, everything in his life had been privileged and he had never wanted for anything. There was absolutely no reason for this to happen to him; nothing really horrible had ever happened to him. His father hadn’t been murdered like Ronan’s. He wasn’t trapped in the place he’d been born by money like Blue was. His parents hadn’t beaten him like Adam’s father had. He wasn’t _dead_ like Noah. Gansey was just snot nosed rich kid who had been stung to death by a couple hundred bees and then came back to life; that was nothing compared to what the others had suffered. So what if he was going to really die in a couple months? At least he knew it was coming so he could get things in order and make sure he didn’t leave things on a bad note with anyone; most people didn’t get that chance. It was terribly privileged of Gansey to think he deserved more leniency than he’d already received.

He sat on the grass as fourth period came to an end and lunch period began. Slowly, very slowly, he regained his ability to breathe. He didn’t move until the bell announcing lunch was ending in five minutes rang. He hadn’t eaten at all today, and he probably should have gone to lunch, but he did not want to walk into the commons and face everyone else. Instead he picked himself up and went to a bathroom to fix his hair and clothes before heading for his sixth period class.

~~~~

He made it through the rest of the day in a sleep deprived, slightly panicky haze. After classes ended, Ronan left with Adam and Gansey went to take care of a couple meetings. When those were done he was halfway to the Pig before he realized that he probably should go apologize to Mr. Morris.

The history teacher was just locking the door to his office when Gansey climbed the stairs to the office floor of the Humanities building. He turned at the sound of Gansey’s shoes on the creaky wood floor. “Oh, hello, Mr. Gansey,” he said.

“Hello, Mr. Morris,” Gansey said. “I just wanted to apologize for the scene I made in fourth period. I didn’t mean to disrupt class.”

Mr. Morris gave him an odd look like he couldn’t believe Gansey came all the way up just to apologize. Gansey felt the same tension he did when he messed up around Adam. Of course, he came to apologize, he wasn’t so destroyed by his family’s money that he hadn’t learned when it was polite to apologize. He’d interrupted the debate and probably made Mr. Morris look like a bad teacher, since Gansey had a reputation for being the best history student in the school.

“Also,” Gansey went on, wondering if maybe this was why Mr. Morris was looking at him like this. “I do know that the Archduke of Austria who was assassinated on June 28, 1914 was named Franz Ferdinand. What I was going to tell Kensington was that-”

“Richard,” Mr. Morris interrupted, and Gansey froze. Mr. Morris never called him by his first name.

“Yes?” he asked, trying to ignore the way his throat was threatening to close up.

“Why are you apologizing?” Mr. Morris asked sounding genuinely confused.

“I interrupted your class,” Gansey said trying desperately to figure out where he’d gone wrong in this conversation. He’d thought he was doing it right. “I shouldn’t have said anything if I didn’t have anything intelligent to say; that’s your number one rule in debates. And then I just walked out of class and didn’t come back.”

“Richard,” Mr. Morris repeated. He sounded so unbearably sad that Gansey sort of wanted to run. He wasn’t sure what was going on anymore. “I don’t care about the debate. Are you okay? You seemed pretty upset.”

Gansey was only getting more tense, not less so. He could have handled continued confusion about what he was doing wrong, but he wasn’t sure how long he could stand up to someone outright asking him if he was okay when he knew for certain that he wasn’t. “I’m fine,” he said.

Mr. Morris didn’t look like he believed him. “You know, Richard, I don’t care if you forgot Franz Ferdinand’s name. We all have brain farts sometimes and you contributed a lot of other important insights to the debate. You’ll get full credit for it, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“But I should have known,” Gansey said. “I did know; I just couldn’t remember.” Okay, maybe he was a little more upset about the actual history debate incident than he’d thought he was. Realizing that only made him want to escape even more.

“Then I don’t see what there is to be upset about,” Mr. Morris said. His voice was so gentle and soothing it was sickening. Gansey wanted to say that Ronan or Adam deserved this so much more than Gansey did.

“There was no reason,” Gansey admitted, hoping that he’d finally be allowed to escape.

“Alright,” Mr. Morris said and for a second Gansey thought the conversation was over, but then Mr. Morris said, “Then is there something else bothering you?”

_Yes, I’m going to be dead by April 24th._ Gansey thought, but he couldn’t just say that, no matter how much he wanted to. That was his struggle and he needed to bear it alone. It would help no one if Gansey used his swiftly ending life as an excuse to dump his problems onto others.

“There’s nothing else wrong,” Gansey said with all the finality he’d learned from the numerous politicians in his family. “I just wanted to apologize for causing a fuss.”

Then he turned and fled, ignoring Mr. Morris calling after him.

~~~~

The Pig started the first time Gansey turned the key, which made him pathetically grateful. He pulled out of the parking lot, refusing to admit that he’d probably have burst into tears if the car hadn’t started. The car had started so there was no reason to think about what might have happened if it hadn’t.

There was also no reason to think about his conversation with Mr. Morris. He couldn’t let himself think about what might have happened if he’d told the teacher the truth. He knew the most people only indulged the more fantastical aspects of his quest for Glendower. Gansey and Mr. Morris had discussed the Welsh King on numerous occasions since Gansey had begun attending Aglionby, and Gansey knew that while the history teacher found the depth of Gansey’s knowledge impressive, he didn’t really believe Gansey would find Glendower around Henrietta. Mr. Morris definitely wouldn’t believe Gansey if he tried to explain about souls on St. Mark’s Eve. It was better than he hadn’t tried to speak.

In that way, Gansey pointedly did not think about everything that had gone wrong today for the entire drive back to Monmouth. He also didn’t think about how not thinking about something required so much mental energy it was basically the same as thinking about the thing. Instead he tried to think about how Ronan and Adam would probably be off doing who knows what until Adam had to work, how Blue would be walking dogs and how Noah was rarely around anymore. Monmouth would be empty for a couple hours until Ronan found his way back. Gansey should not have felt thankful for that, but all he could think about was how he’d have a couple hours to sleep and hopefully put himself back together before he had to interact with people again.

He was so looking forward to his soft bed and sleep that it took him a couple minutes to realize that Adam’s Hondayota was parked next to Ronan’s BMW in front of Monmouth. His stomach sinking, Gansey parked the Pig next to the other two cars and just sat, gripping the wheel for a few minutes trying to gather himself. They weren’t supposed to be here. He was supposed to be able to snatch a couple hours of sleep and feel better. This day wasn’t supposed to keep dragging on.

He thought about simply putting the Pig into gear, driving away, finding a shady park and trying to sleep in the Camaro, but they’d no doubt already seen and heard him pull up. If he left now he’d have to explain why he had and he didn’t think he could come up with a lie good enough for that. With a heavy sigh, he turned the Camaro off, gathered his bag and headed slowly up the steps into the factory.

As he reached the top of the stairs, he realized there were more voices than just Adam and Ronan’s. He pushed the door open to see that Blue was there and so was Noah, corporeal for the first time in at least a week. They all looked up when Gansey came in, big smiles on their faces. “Hi, Gansey!” Noah said with a wave. “We’re going to have a movie night! Well, movie afternoon as the case may be, but whatever.”

Gansey stared at them, trying to bury his disappointment and pull up one of his masks from somewhere. He needed to act normal, it would be so much simpler to just go along with this than to try to whine about how he was tired.

It took him too long to respond. “Gansey?” Adam asked.

Gansey opened his mouth intending to say something that would diffuse the tension building up in the room, but what came out was, “Why aren’t you at work?”

Adam jerked back, eyes widening in surprise. “I don’t work until late tonight,” he said, eyes darting around like he was trying to find out what was going on. “Is there something wrong with that?”

“No, no, there’s not,” Gansey said, horribly aware that his tone of voice was too sharp, completely wrong for the words he was saying. He threw his bag onto the bed with more force than strictly necessary. His school things spilled across the bed and all he could think about was how that was _another_ thing he was going to have to deal with. “There’s nothing wrong with that,” he went on in that horrible, wrong voice. “It’s not like you could have told me you had plans, but I guess my life revolves around you people anyway, so what does it matter.”

Noah’s eyes got huge for one moment before he melted away into nothingness, fleeing the situation. Ronan’s face twisted. “Now, what the-” he began but Blue held up a hand to stop him and shockingly he actually listened.

“We didn’t mean it like that, Gansey,” she said. “But you seem kind of upset. Did something happen today?”

“No!” Gansey shot back. “Nothing happened today! Everything’s splendid, thank you very much!”

Blue opened her mouth to respond, but Gansey turned away, talking over her. “I’m going to take a shower,” he said, fighting to stay calm. “You all can carry on with whatever you were doing.” He snatched up some clothes and stalked into the kitchen/bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

He’d been standing under the warm water for five minutes when he finally began to calm down enough to realize what he’d just done. He hadn’t gotten truly angry at one of his friends since his argument with Adam outside the hospital and look how that had turned out.

His chest tightened again. He’d just snapped at all his friends for something that there was no reason to get angry about. They’d all stopped by numerous times without telling him and it had never bothered him. Now he’d made Noah disappear when Noah had been around so infrequently recently, and he’d yelled at Blue and Adam.

He’d yelled at Adam.

Panic overwhelmed him. He’d always known he’d eventually mess up his fragile peace treaty with Adam, but he hadn’t thought he would happen this way. He’d thought it would happen during a casual conversation and he’d be left spending the next six months trying to figure out what exactly he’d said that had been so wrong. He hadn’t expected that he’d ruin it by forgetting the thin edge he was walking on and simply _yelling_ at Adam. He couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid.

He crumpled to the floor of the shower stall, curled into a ball, water pounding down onto his back and neck, and gave into his second panic attack of the day. He’d ruined it. He’d so loved Adam not always being angry at him, and now he’d gone and ruined it. He’d hoped to have more time to enjoy it before it all fell apart again.

He huddled in the shower choking out gasp-sobs until he was the hot water ran out and he was too exhausted to panic anymore. He was so tired he wanted to just lie down on the floor of the shower and sleep. Instead he hauled himself up and got out. He dressed slowly and prepared to face the damage he’d done. He pointedly did not look in the mirror; he did not want to know what he looked like.

Ronan, Blue and Adam were all still there, which Gansey was a little surprised by; he’d expected at least Adam to have marched out in a fit of rage. They were watching what looked like a kid’s movie which Blue paused when she heard the kitchen/bathroom door open.

All four of them looked at each other for a couple minutes until Gansey couldn’t take it anymore and dropped his gaze. “I’m sorry about before,” he said quietly. “I have no excuse.”

Actually, there were numerous excuses, but trying to use one would probably only make Adam angrier. Gansey just wanted to do whatever he needed to do to get through the worst of Adam’s anger as quickly as possible.

There was another long pause, then someone got up and walked over. Gansey didn’t look up and was therefore surprised when a stack of clothes was forced into his arms. “Take your contacts out and put these on,” Adam said gently. “You look really tired.”

Slowly, almost afraid to see, Gansey lifted his head. Adam was looking at him not with rage or disgust but with open concern. It was as confusing as his conversation with Mr. Morris had been, but this time, Gansey knew better than to try to figure out what was going on. He looked back down at the clothes. There was a pair of his pajama pants and his favorite yellow sweater. He was touched; he didn’t realize that his friends stopped mocking his clothes long enough to notice that he even had a favorite sweater, let alone to figure out which one it was.

“Okay,” he said, in a near whisper, because he had no idea what was going on and he was too tired to figure out. He went back into the kitchen/bathroom, stripped out of the after-school clothes he’d just put on and changed into the soft, comfortable things that Adam had given him. Then he took out his contacts, which felt amazing because his eyes were irritated from the shower water and crying. He slid his glasses on and headed back out into the main room.

Blue smiled at him from the couch. Adam and Ronan were sitting on the floor in front of her. Bizarrely, she had one foot planted securely on the side of Ronan’s face and she was holding him a leg’s-length away. Gansey decided he didn’t want to know.

“Come sit down, Gansey,” Blue said, patting the couch next to her. Gansey wondered if they should be sharing a couch when they still didn’t know what Adam would think of them being together, but he was too tired to think of a logical excuse not to. He crossed the room and dropped down next to her.

“I really am sorry for snapping at you,” he said. “And for scaring Noah away. I didn’t mean any of it.”

“Gansey, it’s fine,” Blue said patting his leg. “You’re allowed to be frustrated every now and then; we’re not going to hate you forever because of it. And Noah will turn up again; he’s not going to vanish into the ether just because you had a bad day.”

Gansey wasn’t sure how to respond to that, but thankfully he didn’t have to because Ronan used that moment to bat Blue’s foot away from his face and snatch the remote from her. He pointed it at the TV like it was a weapon. “Alright, now that that’s all take care of, let’s get back to this movie.”

The movie was a good one, but one Gansey had watched a million times as a kid. Slowly he listed to the side until he collapsed against the couch’s armrest, mostly on his side. Blue hauled his legs onto the couch, so his feet were pressing against her thigh and then he was really lying down. Gansey’s eyes sank closed and someone took his glasses off, so they wouldn’t be crushed. Someone else dumped the comforter from his bed onto him and then he was warm and comfortable and safe. He felt himself start to drift off.

Blue rubbed his foot gently. “Go to sleep, Gansey,” she said. “We’re going to order pizza soon; we’ll wake you when it gets here.”

Gansey hummed in acknowledgment and finally, finally fell asleep.


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two in Adam's POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s part two. This story is now set a little more firmly around the vicinity of Blue Lily, Lily Blue. This part is a bit shippier than part one, but I still wouldn’t describe it as shippy. I realized towards the end that you could probably read it as Adam/Gansey if you wanted too, so if that’s your thing, knock yourself out.

As school cafeteria food went, the food at Aglionby was pretty good. However, since there seemed to be rule that school food couldn’t actually be good, the food at Aglionby was just perpetually disappointing as opposed to inedible the way the food at Henrietta’s public schools was. Not that Adam was in the position to have an opinion, however, if left to his own devices he would never shell out the money for lunch at all, something that a certain someone had taken it upon themself to fix.

“Do you know where Gansey is?” Adam asked, sticking a spoon into a cup of yogurt he and Ronan were both pretending Ronan hadn’t bought specifically for him.

Ronan shrugged carefully unwrapping the greasy wax paper around one of the two panini he’d bought from the lunch line. He took a big bite out of the corner of one half of the just vaguely congealed sandwich and nudged the other half across the tray towards Adam without looking at him or the food. “I dunno,” he said with his mouth full. “Haven’t seen him since third hour.”

Adam took the offered half a sandwich and nibbled off the corner, being careful not to look at Ronan. This was the way that he and Ronan had been sharing lunch for months. Ronan would buy twice as much food as he actually needed and then Adam would eat the extra so it wouldn’t go to waste. It drove Gansey mad. Everytime it happened Adam could see him biting his tongue to keep from asking the big, dreaded question, “What is the difference between Ronan’s charity and mine?” He hadn’t actually asked yet, for which Adam was thankful because if he did Adam would be forced to start to fight to hide the fact that he had no good answer to that question. He and Gansey hadn’t been fighting recently, and Adam would do anything to make sure it stayed that way. The fact that they’d lasted this long told him that Gansey felt the same way.

“He has history fourth hour,” Adam said, swallowing before he spoke. He was always careful about stuff like not talking with his mouth full. Ronan could get away with it, but Adam would end up looking like trailer trash. “Maybe they talked about something interesting and got caught up in a discussion with the teacher.”

Ronan snorted. “Not likely,” he said. “That class he’s taking is specifically about modern history. Gansey hates anything that happened after the sixteenth century.”

“How do you know that?” Adam asked.

“How do you not?” Ronan snorted. “It’s one of his favorite topics when he’s not rambling about Glendower. You should have heard the night he spent an hour and a half discussing why it's much more important for people to know about Savonarola than Watergate.”

Adam’s heart leapt the way it always did when he realized one of the Aglionby boys knew something he didn’t. “Who’s Savonarola?”

Ronan shrugged. “You think I know?”

Adam forced himself to keep from running to the library right now and looking the information up. He reminded himself that he was a senior, if he hadn’t needed to know who that was before now, he would be fine. “Fine, but where’s Gansey?” he said.

Ronan shrugged. “Maybe he missed a meeting this morning and is catching up on it.”

“What do you mean, missed a meeting?” Adam asked. “I didn’t think he had any morning meetings.”

“He doesn’t usually, but he might have today, I don’t keep an eye on his schedule,” Ronan polished off his half of the first sandwich and moved on to the second, pushing half towards Adam again. “He overslept this morning. We got here just as the five minute bell was ringing.”

Adam had been wondering why Ronan and Gansey were almost late for first hour, but he’d assumed Gansey had been dragging Ronan out of bed not the other way around. “Is he sick?”

“Don’t think so,” Ronan said, his mouth full again. “I think he just overslept.”

Adam was just contemplating how likely Gansey oversleeping with no underlying cause was when Matthew bounced over, holding a cup of chocolate pudding and plopped down next to Ronan, chattering about some kind of news that had nothing to do with Adam. With Ronan firmly distracted, Adam had to reside himself to the end of the conversation at least for the time being.

~~~~

Gansey turned up again just before sixth hour chemistry which he and Adam had together. Adam and Ronan had parted ways at the door to the classroom which had left Adam alone waiting for Gansey and worrying.

Gansey ducked into the classroom just before the bell rang, his head ducked low and his books hugged tightly against his chest. He half fell into his desk without looking at Adam.

“Where were you during lunch?” Adam asked. “Ronan and I were looking for you.”

“Nowhere,” Gansey said, his head still down. He sounded like he was breathless and was trying to hide it. “I had something to take care of.”

“Okay,” Adam said, trying to decide whether or not to push. “Are you ready for this quiz?”

“Quiz?” Gansey repeated without lifting his head. “What-what are you talking about?”

“The quiz in this class,” Adam said. “Ms. Woods told us about it last week. Remember?”

“Oh, yes,” Gansey said after a moment. “Yes, I remember.”

“Please tell me you studied,” Adam said. Chemistry and Gansey didn’t mix very well, and while Gansey might have been able to dredge up a passing grade without studying, the chances of him managing to actually fail where high enough to make Adam nervous.

“Yes, I studied, I just-” Gansey dropped his pencil and it rolled across the floor to rest under the radiator. He dove after it, cursing in foul enough terms that Ronan might have been proud. When he returned to his desk his hands were shaking visibly and he still wouldn’t look at Adam. 

“Gansey, is everything-” Adam began but then Ms. Woods began handing out the quiz sheets and there was no more time to talk.

Gansey didn’t so much as look at him for the rest of the class

~~~~

Ronan was waiting for Adam by his locker when school got out. “You don’t work until late tonight,” he said. “Come over to Monmouth. Blue’s free too. We’re going to watch a movie.”

“I have homework,” Adam said more because he felt like he had to raise some kind of objection than because he actually didn’t want to go.

“You can do it while the movie’s on,” Ronan said. “Come on; it will be fun.”

“Fine,” Adam gave in and followed Ronan out of the school. “Where’s Gansey?” he asked looking around for their friend.

“He said something about meetings,” Ronan said with a shrug. “He’ll be back at Monmouth probably in a half hour or so. If not Noah will probably be happy to use my phone to spam call him.”

Adam thought of Gansey’s shaking hands as he rescued his pencil from the floor and how crushed he’d looked when he’d handed his chemistry quiz in. He wasn’t sure how Gansey would react to being spam called today. He wondered if he should point that out, but Ronan was already talking about something else and the moment had passed.

~~~~

“No, let’s not watch that,” Noah moaned looking at the DVD Ronan was holding up. “Let’s watch something fun!”

“This is fun,” Ronan said looking a little offended.

“I’ve seen that movie,” Blue said. “It’s all fast cars and explosions. Let’s watch something that actually has a  _ plot _ .”

Adam tried to ignore their minor argument by focusing on his calculus homework. The assignment would have been so much easier without all the background noise. He should have done the sensible thing and just gone back to St. Agnes. He was never going to get ahead if he continued running around doing things for fun when he was supposed to be working to better himself.

The argument broke off with the sound of an old Mustang pulling up in front of Monmouth. “Gansey’s back!” Noah chirped. “He’ll be able to settle this argument.”

Ronan grumbled, mostly because they all knew Gansey would never watch a plotless action movie voluntarily so Ronan’s choice was officially out of the running, but didn’t make any outright complaints.

It took a surprisingly long time for Gansey to get upstairs, though that was probably because they were all used to him racing up the stairs like he had fifty million infinitely more interesting things to be doing (which was usually true). Finally reached the top of the stairs and let himself in.

“Hi, Gansey!” Noah waved. “We’re going to have a movie night! Well, movie afternoon as the case may be, but whatever.”

The look he gave them was a sort of disappointed blankness, like he really wished none of them were there at all. Adam had to be imagining it; he had never known Gansey not to want them around, if only so he had someone to ramble on endlessly too.

“Gansey?” Adam ventured.

Gansey’s gaze focused on him. His face spasmed for a moment, like he was trying to put on a more positive expression and failing. “Why aren’t you at work?” he asked.

Adam jumped. He had never heard Gansey sound so cold before. “I don’t work until late tonight,” Adam said. “Is there something wrong with that?”

“No, no, there’s not,” Gansey said. His voice was sharp and horrible and wrong. He barely sounded like himself. “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not like you could have told me you had plans, but I guess my life revolves around you people anyway, so what does it matter?” He threw his messenger bag onto his bed and the contents spilled across the bed, the beloved journal sliding off the comforter onto the floor. Gansey didn’t even seem to notice.

Vaguely, Adam was aware of Noah fading away into nothingness and Ronan beginning to protest, but mostly he was numb. Adam had expected to fight with Gansey again, but he hadn’t expected it to be like this. He’d expected a blow-out about bills or tution of one too many meals slyly bought. He didn’t know how to deal with Gansey like this.

Blue stepped up to the plate before Adam could even begin to figure out what to say. “We didn’t mean it like that, Gansey,” she said. “But you seem kind of upset. Did something happen today?”

“No!” Gansey snapped. That was even more out of character. Gansey got annoyed at Adam all the time, but never at Blue. “Nothing happened today! Everything’s splendid, thank you very much!”

Adam did not think he’d ever heard a less convincing argument.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Gansey said, turning away from them. Adam heard him take a deep, noisy breath through his teeth. “You all can carry on with whatever you were doing.” 

None of them so much as moved until the bathroom door slammed behind Gansey. None of them moved when the water started running. None of them moved as time dragged on and on. Even Ronan, who had been seconds from diving headfirst into a rage didn’t move as the true weight of what had just happened crashed down on him.

Eventually, however, without saying anything, Ronan got up and went into his room. He came back carrying another DVD case. He took the DVD out and put it into the player. As movie began Adam realized it was a Disney movie.

“What movie is this?” he asked.

“The Lion King,” Ronan said without looking over. He was staring at the screen with almost single-minded determination. “It was one of the only movies we had as kids which Dad had bought instead of just dreaming a copy. It was always Declan’s favorite.”

Adam wouldn’t have thought of Declan Lynch as the sort of person who had ever enjoyed Disney movies, but that and wondering what Niall Lynch’s dreamed copies of Disney movies were like helped distract him until the shower finally turned off. It was a long time after the water had turned on had started. Normally Adam would have been jealous of Gansey’s ability to just take a shower without calculating just how much each drop of water would cost him, but today that was the last thing on his mind.

Finally Gansey opened the bathroom door and came out. Adam almost wished he hadn’t, because Gansey’s eyes were red with tears.

Gansey looked at them for a minute, then his head dropped and he looked away. “I’m sorry about before,” he whispered. “I have no excuse.” 

That was the worst part. Ronan would have had an excuse, Blue would have had an excuse, even Adam would have had an excuse, but Gansey didn’t even try to come up with one. He was just going to take whatever they threw at him without even trying to explain why.

They teased Gansey about his clothes and his car and his habits and his obsession with Glendower. Ronan poked and screamed at him when he was in a bad mood, Blue scolded him and he and Adam had fought on a hundred different occasions, but something like this had never happened before. The things they did never seemed to touch him. The real world couldn’t hurt Richard Campbell Gansey III. It had never occured to Adam that Gansey could have a bad day, that he could resent their presence, that he could want or need time alone to put himself back together. In some ways he had not seen Gansey as human enough for any of that.

Adam slowly unfolded himself from the floor and walked over to Gansey’s closet. He gathered a pair of Gansey’s pajama pants and the yellow sweater he wore so often. It was hideous, but Adam was also pretty sure if was one of Gansey’s favorite articles of clothing. It didn’t matter how ugly the sweater was, if Gansey liked it he probably would find it comforting and that was what mattered right now.

He carried the clothes over to his friend and Gansey looked away more if that was possible. He was afraid Adam was going to be angry. The realization cut Adam to the core. It had never occurred to him that Gansey might think that they were going to get in a fight now when he was so obviously upset. He’d never thought that Gansey didn’t understand that.

Adam pushed the clothes into Gansey’s arms and Gansey glanced up, his eyes wide with surprise. There were pretty prominent dark circles under his eyes, and Adam remembered Ronan mentioning that Gansey had overslept this morning. Adam knew that Gansey had insomnia, but they didn’t discuss it very often. Ronan would mention in passing that he and Gansey had gone to the gas station to by orange juice at three am and gotten weird looks, but Adam didn’t know exactly how bad Gansey’s insomnia was. How often couldn’t he sleep? Did he take medication? How much sleep had he actually gotten last night?

“Take your contacts out and put these on,” Adam told Gansey, indicating the clothes. “You look really tired.”

Gansey finally met his eyes for the first time in the conversation. He looked confused, like he couldn’t quite figure out why Adam wasn’t screaming at him. “Okay,” he said after a moment, obviously deciding it was best not to comment.

Gansey retreated into the bathroom to change and Adam returned to his place on the floor next Ronan. His calculus homework was completely forgotten, and he didn’t think he’d be able to get back in the right frame of mind to complete it for a while yet. Blue snatched the remote from Ronan and moved to start to movie again. Ronan lunged for it and she stopped him by planting her foot against the side of his face.

The bathroom door opened. “Come sit down, Gansey,” Blue called. Gansey hesitated just long enough for Adam to wonder what was stopping him before he moved across the room and sat down on the couch next to Blue.

“I really am sorry for snapping at you,” Gansey said after a moment. He was staring down at his hands and not looking at any of them. “And for scaring Noah away. I didn’t mean any of it.”

“Gansey, it’s fine,” Blue soothed. She patted Gansey’s leg and Adam looked away feeling like he was intruding on something private. “You’re allowed to be frustrated every now and then; we’re not going to hate you forever because of it. And Noah will turn up again; he’s not going to vanish into the ether just because you had a bad day.”

Gansey didn’t reply and Adam wracked his brain trying to figure out what the right thing to say. It was obvious that Blue was doing the same thing. Thankfully, it was Ronan who saved them all by shoving aside Blue’s foot and snatching the remote back. “Alright,” he said with an air of finality. “Now that that’s all take care of, let’s get back to this movie.”

For a few minutes they watched the movie in silence, then Gansey’s collapsed against the armrest of the couch looking like he was going to fall asleep. Blue pulled his legs up onto the couch as well and after a minute’s consideration, Adam reached out and pulled Gansey’s glasses off. Ronan got up and stalked across the room. A moment later he returned and dumped Gansey’s comforter onto their nearly asleep friend in his characteristic type of caring.

“Go to sleep, Gansey,” Blue said. “We’re going to order pizza soon; we’ll wake you when it gets here.” She was rubbing Gansey’s foot and again Adam felt like he was seeing something he shouldn’t. Was there something going on there, or was he just reading too far into it?

“Wait,” he said, his mind catching up with Blue’s words. “We’re ordering pizza?”

“Of course you’re ordering pizza,” Noah said. “You can’t have a movie night without pizza!” He was sitting on the arm of the couch just above Gansey’s head.

“When did you come back?” Blue asked.

Noah just grinned and didn’t reply.

“Yes,” Ronan said when it became obvious Noah wasn’t going to relent and say something. “We’re getting pizza.”

Ronan actually got up and went to get Gansey’s phone which seemed like a weird workaround of the whole cellphone thing. Adam certainly hoped that Declan didn’t check the phone bill to see if Ronan was using his phone for things like ordering pizza while still ignoring calls, but after a moment Adam had to admit that wouldn’t actually surprise him knowing the Lynch brothers.

“Okay,” Ronan said, coming back. “What do we want?”

~~~~

When the pizza guy pulled up Ronan paused the movie and Blue and Adam handed over their parts of the bill. Ronan gathered the money and retrieved his wallet from Chainsaw’s beak. He made no move to wake Gansey or find the other boy’s wallet. Ronan and Gansey were less diligent about paying for their own portions of food than Adam and Blue were. This was partially because Ronan and Gansey were both so rich that an order of pizza was no object and also because they lived together and were always buying each other food and groceries. This would not be the first time Ronan paid for Gansey’s food and it wouldn’t be the last; Gansey would do the same.

Ronan went downstairs and returned a minute later with his arms full of pizza boxes. Adam got to his feet and went into the bathroom to find napkins, paper plates and cups. When he got back, Blue was trying to wake Gansey. Adam looked away to give them some privacy and crossed over to where Ronan was laying out the pizza.

“Is that garlic bread?” Adam asked noticing the smaller box. “I didn’t know we were ordering garlic bread.”

Ronan gave him a look. “I paid for it myself. If that bothers you, you don’t need to eat it.” Then he took a plate from Adam and began loading it up with pizza and garlic bread. Adam sighed then filled his own plate, avoiding the garlic bread.

When he returned to the couch, Gansey was sitting up and leaning sort of heavily against Blue. The comforter was wrapped around his shoulders and he looked like he was seconds from falling back to sleep.

Ronan came over and handed Gansey a plate of pizza. Gansey blinked at it like he wasn’t sure what to do with it. “Eat,” Ronan said, not unkindly. “I know you didn’t eat breakfast and who knows where you were for lunch. You need something in your stomach.” Gansey nodded blankly and after a moment he picked up a piece of pizza and began to eat.

Adam moved to sit on the couch next to Gansey and tried not to make it awkward as Ronan plopped down on the floor and started the movie again. Gansey took a bite of pizza, chewed and swallowed then said quietly, “I really am sorry for yelling at you. I didn’t mean to-”

“Gansey,” Adam said as gently as possible. “It’s fine. I’m not mad. I can tell when something else is going on.”

He hoped his words would serve as an invitation to talk about what Gansey was so upset about, but Gansey didn’t rise to the bait. “What I said was still uncalled for,” Gansey said. “I didn’t mean it.”

“No one thought you did,” Ronan said, banging his head back against the couch. “No one hates you, Dick.”

Gansey didn’t look much happier but he went back to eating without complaint so Adam figured the crisis had mostly been diverted. He took a bite of pizza and tried not to think about how good the garlic bread on Gansey’s plate looked. He turned away to see Noah watching them with a strange, sad expression on his face.

“Is something wrong?” Adam asked.

Noah grinned, but his eyes were still sad. “Nothing new,” he said and turned his attention back to the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there’s some Noah angst randomly at the end. No idea where that came from but we’ll go with it.
> 
> Hopefully everyone’s in character. I’ve only ever written Adam and Ronan through Gansey and Declan’s undeniably distorted POVs and I have next to no experience writing Blue and Noah. I also hope that the ending doesn’t drag. I was originally planning to write the last scene in part one then decided not to write it. Hopefully I shouldn’t have ditched it in this part as well.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm thinking about writing a sequel to this in the Gangsey's POVs; let me know if that's something you want to see.


End file.
